2 years

2 years

It is hard to believe that it has been two years.  May 14, 2007, at only 7 weeks, we lost our 3rd child.  Those weeks were some of the hardest of my life.  Without my husband, my Mom & Sister, and a handful of friends I would not have been able to survive.  Honestly I was not ready to talk to God about it.  I was so mad.  Why did he let this happen?  Why did it have to hurt so bad?  Why me?  Who was this baby?  A boy, a girl?  Why?

My sister kept telling me that the tears will come for a long time, and each time it will hurt less and less.  I did not believe her.  How could this hurt get less?  But, she was right.  It took a while, but I feel like a whole person again.  God has healed the wound to my heart.  Will I forget our baby?  No.  Do I still wonder what life would be like with a 6 year old, 3 year old and 18 month old?  Yes I do.  I even sometimes feel like our family is missing someone.  But I can honestly say that I am not angry anymore.

I look forward to the day when I reach heaven and I get to meet my little baby.  Thank you God for watching over me, even in my dark days, even when I couldn’t talk to you.  Thanks for being there, even when I was angry.

11 thoughts on “2 years

  1. Just sending you a hug. I have been a witness to this pain more than once. I’m so glad your heart has healed.

  2. beautiful post, glo. hugs to you today. so glad that God has healed your heart and given you grace. He is good, and i believe that that baby is waiting to meet you too.

    p.s. my girls still talk about the baby that died before they came. when they were little they were convinced that it was a little black baby boy named benjamin. that was before they understood basic genetics.

  3. Thanks for posting this.

    One of the hardest lessons I ever learned was that God IS with us, even when we don’t feel like He’s there. It’s good to know that you know it, too.

  4. We will all have quite a reunion in heaven with my two lost babies, your sister’s 2 lost babies and yours. Five members of our family were not allowed to stay with us and I will love to hear why. The plan of God is perfect but we don’t have the ability to understand perfection yet… so we trust, trust, trust even when the hurt is deep. Your journey has made you stronger. I love you.

  5. Sending you a big hug, too. We’ve lost 2 (one before Lily, one in between James and Milo) – your post brought a lot of emotions back out. Life is such a miracle, and there is such meaning in every little thing that happens.

  6. This day, the day of your loss is a sad one for me too. It’s the day that we wouldn’t be pregnant together (again!). I was so broken for you because I understood each and every emotion coming from you and there was nothing I could do to take it away. I was afraid too. Afraid you’d be jealous of me, upset at me, angry at me or unable to even look at me and my ever expanding waistline.
    I’m so glad that my fears were never realized and that I was able to walk a little bit of that road with you. I love you sis! 🙂

  7. Thank you for being willing to share such a difficult time in your life. Being transparent will help many others I’m sure. I’m all choked up or I’d say more. I love you

  8. I HATE that you lost your sweet baby.

    I love your mom’s comment here. It’s so true that we often can’t understand God’s plan and are left to just trust. I think it’s so healthy that you are able to be open with the frustration and anger you felt.

    Hugs…. =(

  9. thank you all so much for your comments. it is so wonderful to have the support of all of you. thank you for your thoughts, prayers and encouragement. you are all very special to me.

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