Last year I was going through a bible study called “Breaking Free”. At the end of the study my thoughts were that it was a great study, but I was either so healthy that I had nothing to “break free” from, or the more likely answer was that I was so screwed up that I didn’t even realize it.
Fast forward a few months…my Mom is reading through the book Breaking Free. We have had several conversations regarding the book, things she is learning, what she likes..etc. In those conversations she has helped me uncover some things that I need to be free from. One being what others think of me. I am a people pleaser and I want people to like me. My thinking is that if I don’t measure up to what they want me to be or do, then I am a failure. That spills into yesterday. I read a blog that opened my eyes to what was in my heart but I didn’t even know it. I have been living my life as a slave to shame. It was a slow and subtle process. My thoughts were…
i am spending too much time on AllyZabba…my kids need me….i should do more activities with them…i haven’t been very good at making healthy dinners lately…i am not a very good friend, i haven’t called so & so in a while…i haven’t planned a date in a while…i need to spend more time with hubby…i need to see my parents more, i need to plan a time to see them…i spend too much time on the computer, why do i do this when i need to be with my kids…i am too sensitive…i am too emotional…i don’t measure up…i can’t keep up like i should…i need to help more in bigzabba’s class…
The list is endless. I am ashamed of myself that I cannot do all the things that I think I should do, that I am not all that I think I should be. I have realized that I need to look to my Savior for my validation, not to others.
Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
Does God require that I do all these things? Be perfect in every way? No. I am to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God.
Psalm 103:1-5 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
When those thoughts invade my thinking I must remember all His benefits, that only He can heal my broken thoughts, the Lord crowns me with love and compassion and that He satisfies my desires with good things. I do not need to prove myself to anyone.
I normally don’t go deep in such a public way, but maybe you need this reminder too.